I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
