So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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