I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
