My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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