You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
