My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
