I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
