I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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