Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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