I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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