I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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