Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
