On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize