Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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