And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
