Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
