i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
that's an acceptable place to lick
I could have mohawked her pubes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
