After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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