..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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