Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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