every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
