I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
