We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
