P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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