im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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