yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
