'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
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