Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
