I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Come see our sink grown plant.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
