sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
