I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
