It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We need to get me chipped asap
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize