shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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