haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize