Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
