Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Still dying that you shit outside
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
