i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
