No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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