woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
