my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
