woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
