girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
