so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
