would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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