My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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