imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
