I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
