What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
