new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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