My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
