In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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