Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
