There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
