My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
