i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
