I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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