from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
