This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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