My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Can vaginas get frostbite?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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