I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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