i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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