I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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