It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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