Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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