Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
