It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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