hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i will never coherently bang her
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
