I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
