Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
