I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Randomize
