You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
