So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize