I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
