# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
