just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
