So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
