Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
