I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
