I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
